Should You Hold Your Child Back a Grade?

Should You Hold Your Child Back a Grade?
Photo: Syda Productions (Shutterstock)

As we approach the end of a school year that may be among the most stressful in history for students, teachers, school employees, and parents, many of us are grappling with the severe impacts on the emotional health of our kids and, in some cases, our fears that virtual learning will cause more summer learning loss than normal.

For families that are most concerned about the academic aspect, an option that has always existed is to hold a student back and not advance them to the next grade level if parents or teachers feel they are behind. There is detailed, and often varying, research on whether or not holding students back always has the intended impact, allowing them to catch up. In some cases, experts argue, getting held back works and doesn’t have a long-term negative impact on a student’s well-being or achievement. Others argue that advancing students to the next grade and then supplementing their classroom learning with additional resources is a better option for allowing them to catch up academically without falling behind socially.

The pandemic has added several layers of complications to this already difficult decision. For kids who have already felt isolated or had problems with their emotional health, the added stress of having to repeat a grade might further impact their sense of well-being.

Lori Day is an educational consultant who works with students and families to navigate educational decisions. Day notes that parents should consider several factors before making the decision to hold their student back this or any year, including their age, social and emotional maturity, and how the kids themselves would feel about being held back.

“The stigma is worse for older children than for younger ones, especially when a repeat makes a child much older than his or her peers,” Day says.

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Here are other considerations and conversations parents should have while grappling with this decision.

Prioritize rest and fun for kids right now

No one needs a reminder, but the pandemic has been tragic and heavy. That goes double for kids who have been isolated from friends, unable to participate in extracurricular activities, have potentially lost loved ones, and have had their well-being politicized in dialogues about when and how they should return to face-to-face instruction. Day recommends parents be mindful of that toll on kids and give them time this summer to recharge.

“I think parents should prioritize their children’s mental health as we head into the summer,” Day says. “Let them play, go to camp, have playdates, and have unstructured time, preferably off screens.”

Day also notes that it is important to recognize that, to some degree, most kids returning to face-to-face instruction in the fall will have face degree of learning loss and need to catch up. “Unless there is a compounding reason in addition to losing some ground academically due to the pandemic and remote schooling, I recommend parents not hold their children back,” she says.

School districts are aware of that challenge and will have mechanisms in place to provide extra help. Teachers and staff will be preparing to meet those challenges in anticipation of students needing extra support in the fall.

Unless there is a compounding reason in addition to losing some ground academically due to the pandemic and remote schooling, I recommend parents not hold their children back.

“Teachers are well aware that students have struggled this past year, as they have themselves, and as their own children have,” Day says. “It’s been a really hard year. Trust that teachers will be planning for an influx of students in September who have not exactly thrived on Zoom. They will be assessing them and gauging where their skills are, and adjusting curriculum accordingly.”

The prospect of catching students up in subjects like math or reading is an easier one than gauging where kids are emotionally.

“I am hoping that schools will be able to provide more counseling services than they are accustomed to providing, because kids will need that and private counseling is often expensive and hard to find,” Day says.

Stephen Merrill, chief content officer for Edutopia, an organization that encourages innovation in K-12 education, writes that focusing too much on learning loss rather than the emotional health of students as they return to classrooms would be a “historic mistake”:

The need to rebuild the frayed social fabric of our learning communities, which study after study indicates is foundational to true learning, should be the paramount concern.

The consequences of getting our priorities wrong and putting the content before the child are serious and long-term.

Don’t make the decision without input from the student 

Kids aren’t likely to volunteer to be held back, especially considering stigmas associated with not performing well academically and the prospect of watching peers and friends move ahead a grade. Not only should parents involve kids in the discussion in age-appropriate ways, they should also frame the conversation positively so that the student understands it as a tool to be helpful rather than a punishment.

“Children in late elementary school, middle school, and high school should be involved in the decision,” Day says. “They need to feel they have a voice and they need to buy in, because otherwise they could sabotage their own achievement if they are angry, resentful, or feel punished.”

Day also notes that it is easier to make a decision to repeat a grade if the child is also changing schools, making it less likely to be noticed by peers.

“Staying in the same school and watching friends advance to the next grade without you is painful to older children,” she says. “If it is not possible or desirable to change schools—and even if it is—parents should frame the decision as being in the child’s best interest and not a reflection on their intelligence or aptitude.”

Take advantage of available resources 

Parents should understand that they are not solely responsible for kids overcoming learning losses during the pandemic. Teachers can make a tremendous difference, as well. Merrill notes that simple gestures by teachers like greeting students at the door can increase academic engagement in the classroom by as much as 20 percent. Teachers having an understanding that emotional well-being is more important than academic achievement at the moment will be a big factor in helping kids who start next school year behind.

Whether coming from a parent, teacher, or other support system, simply showing kids that there are adults who care about them is vital right now. Research from Harvard University shows that kids are resilient and can rebound from severe hardships much easier if they have at least one stable and supportive adult in their life.

Connecting kids with fun activities like outdoor summer camps that make learning engaging and fun can also be a way to reconnect them and bolster academic achievement when they return to school. There are also individual or group tutoring services available in most communities, although Day cautions parents against jumping to that solution too quickly. Kids pick up on their parents’ fears, so if parents are continuously worrying that their student is falling behind, the student will pick up on that.

“It makes them more prone to anxiety and depression than is already the case, especially during this unusual and stressful pandemic year,” Day said. “I want to emphasize that academic achievement is not the most important thing right now. These kids will be okay. They will catch up, for the most part, and they are in the same boat as many, if not most, other kids.”

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